Sherlock Mahomes was removed from the wedding of the century after some Bad Blood with the bride! This happened at the end of a Cruel Summer for the long-time Gypsy Queen team owner as speculation grew over his relationship with the team’s namesake.

The 1st round keeper cost of Patrick “Ketchup” Mahomes had many believing that there would be a Blank Space in the franchise’s QB spot. Wedding guests knew All Too Well the brewing drama, and Sherlock did not disappoint!

According to guests, Sherlock showed up at the beautiful Madison Square Garden reception drunk and Red faced. He immediately complained about his table seating. “Who the hell is Clyde Edwards-Helaire, and why am I sitting with him!?” recounted one guest, “He even pronounced his last name as Hell-Air. I don’t think he realised that Clyde played on the same team as Patrick.”

The true Peace breaking moment was after the Pleb Cutting Ceremony (it’s a billionaire thing you wouldn’t get it) when Sherlock finally noticed the "Swift-Kelce Wedding" message on the giant Jumbotron.

“He totally lost it,” another guest explained. “Why the hell is the woman's name first?” he slurred, and began ranting about traditional gender roles and the “Betafication” of American men.

“Patrick was so embarrassed. We all kept asking each other Is it Over Now?, but he kept going.”

“Toxicity is something Tswift can deal with, I mean, look at her friends and husband, she can Shake it Off, but then the ranting guy crossed a line”. What was so heinous that America’s Princess had the old man removed? “He started calling it the Kelce-Swift wedding.”

"Who the hell even is Taylor, huh? Kelce is an NFL player and he catch ball good!” “He was totally clueless,” explained one of the bridesmaids. “He legit didn’t even know who Tay Tay was. She’s such a sweet, generous soul, but her number one rule is Taylor comes first, and he violated that."

Sherlock Mahomes was then forcefully removed from the arena. Through his screams Taylor was heard to have said, “Look What You Made Me Do.”

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together?

After the wedding, all hell broke loose. Insiders tell us that Taylor mobilized her paramilitary group the Swift Justice to deal with Sherlock. Their official statement on the matter was delivered via grainy VHS video, recorded from their cave network in Afghanistan. “Mr. Sherlock Mahomes, may you burn in hell for your crimes against Allah. We place a Jihad on you. You will never be safe, your family will never be safe, your team will never be safe. Alhamdulillah.”

Sherlock went into hiding, wondering if he would ever be Safe & Sound again.

The answer came on draft day. Nearly cancelled due to terrorist threats, the Gypsy Queen league held their yearly draft on August 23rd, and Sherlock Mahomes attended. Taylor Swift had called off the Jihad.

Despite not keeping Patrick Mahomes, Swift and Sherlock were able to Begin Again, as in the 13th round, he selected Travis Kelce’s washed up ass, and changed his name to Shake It Goff. These concessions seem to have appeased the God-Queen, and as we head into September, all seems well.

Wood

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